Wednesday, March 31 - Hitting a wall

Did I write yesterday that I have an endless amount of strength? Who was I kidding??? Myself, apparently!!!

My back was really not happy today but good old Bea kept pushing herself and picked up stones to make a pathway between the plantation beds and then worked on making the edges of the pathway while getting sunburnt and ignoring her stuffy nose.

You can see it coming: Something had to give. By 5pm, I was in real pain and had to stop working. Tried stretching but it didn't help much. Then, later on, I decided to listen to what my back was telling me and here is what I heard.

[In a deep, masculine voice:] 'Berengere, you are so used to pushing through that this behavior has become your primary way to function and to get things done. You don't know any other way to act. You ignore your own boundaries, your own needs, even your own body because you always have a good reason to keep going. A deadline, a sense of completion, time running out... Only when you're in serious pain do you stop but just long enough to recover and then you resume the same pattern.'

'Is there another way you can function? Take breaks more often, do a little at a time instead of trying to complete one project in one go (that wood room you've talked about, for ex....), and maybe see what comes up if you consider giving up your 'Can-do-it-all/Only-I-can-do-it' automatic response? Anxiety about your self-worth? I bet! About your ability to truly let yourself rest? Even wondering what it means to truly rest? Makes sense.'

[My back continues:] 'Now that Robin said the magic phrase "Let's take the day off tomorrow!", I can hear you wondering if you can still take a shot at reorganizing that wood room for a couple hours. Is that cheating? YES, IT IS!!! [Now my back gets angry] I will not let you push yourself further and just repeat the same pattern over and over!! You need to try something new otherwise I will have to send an even stronger message to make you stop. REALLY take the day off and rest! I need it and so do you!'

Berengere [in an intimated voice:] 'Okay, I will.'

Will Berengere really be able to do nothing but take care of herself tomorrow? You'll find out in our next episode of 'Berengere au naturel'!